So many of you are probably reading this thinking what’s the big deal it’s only bad skin right?
It’s much more than that.
It’s dealing with constant pain, having something take a massive weight in your life that needs permanent time and attention. It’s something that takes over your identity and is very hard to look past. It’s something then weighs on your emotions and self esteem. It’s something that is always right there.
If your that someone reading this with a skin condition. Doesn’t matter which one. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. It’s apart of you, its apart of us. We just need to accept it and bloody own it!
As a society i feel like we have come very far for acceptance. We have evolved and changed the ways, even now still fighting for change to accept those things and changes which weren’t originally in our culture, weren’t our way of life or wasn’t around at all yet.
Yet here i am, unaccepted. Treated differently, stared and pointed at. People literally standing there giving you a disgusted look whilst talking about you to the next person with no care in the world like you don’t have feelings or you aren’t a person at all. People look at me like i have the plague and they are going to catch it any minute and thats all they can see. Its a HUGE deal to them so yes that makes it a bigger deal to me and if it is just ‘bad skin’ then why do i get treated like this, why has it always taken over so much of my life.
So typically like everything in my life the doctors aren’t 100% sure whats wrong with me, how or why i am like i am. They certainly have no idea what the cause is and have always failed at looking into it. But the closest we have gotten is for me to have Infection & Inflamed Eczema and Psoriasis and Dermatitis. I am COVERED in this and there is no hiding it. My face and neck are actually the worst sufferers and the most hardest to deal with. I’m almost permanently on antibiotics as any little thing will set it off. I can do my routine perfectly and do nothing wrong yet i will still find myself in the same positions and my skin ‘ flares up’ again. It’s one dreadful and dreaded cycle.
After years of my life I’ve finally got to the point where i know what i need to stay away from products wise ( 98% of them) and what i can use. It’s been a very long and hard journey but at least i can have a shower without crying. At least i can do every day things without being in too much pain and bleeding. Though unfortunately i do still find myself in hospital connected to IVs a lot more than i would like.
So for those who imagine it as bad skin, the way i describe it is imagine a VERY bad and deep graze, the stinging, the weeping and bleeding and the strain no the skin as its trying to heal. Well imagine these grazes covering your skin, patch after patch without any good skin in sight and no its not easy to heal, its rips and fails to heal. It then has to start again and of course takes a hell lot longer.
I know there are many skin conditions different from mine, so like others can never understand my pain i too wont exactly understand theres. Sometimes you don’t even know how you deal with the pain, how have you been able too for so long to say I’m used to it now, or this time is actually worse than others. But i think we would be on the same pain coming to the emotional trauma.
If you think about wanting to change something about yourself , your insecurity. But you can never hide it, isn’t just your personal preference or opinion to its everyones !
When my skins bad it takes it out on your health as well, it makes you feel run down, horribly sick, weak and sore. Its like a whole bomb hitting you at once. So your feeling low about yourself, Its been hitting your self esteem hard looking so horrible, everybody starting and pointing you out making you feel disgusting and worthless and then your weak as anything, your sick and tired and dull.
If you haven’t gotten to the point yet where you have good days then don’t loose hope, I’ve been through every sodding cream and tablet in that doctors book, I’ve been through every single doctor but now I’m finally at the point where i can make it last a couple of weeks, so don’t worry you’ll get there !
At the same time as I’m writing this though the more i want to say, stop crying over it, stop letting it defeat you. it’s your skin it’s apart of you and it’s who you are. You’re the strong person able to deal with this. Don’t let it stop you, don’t let it get in the way. Embrace it. We know we are human underneath and just like any of them, its about time people deal with it and get over it. It may be a problem in our lives but it still makes us stronger and makes us who we are.
It’s time to stop being embarrassed. It’s time we accepted ourselves and others accepted us.
Now I normally add photos to my blog’s however its safe to say this post touches a more personal matter. Now after nearly 22 years i can just about briefly write about it and a few days ago i put myself in front of a camera for the first time with a very small flare up and that was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do so I’m not ready to show yet, I’m not ready to put out there the complete horror. I think I’ve made more than enough steps for now and put enough of a foot down to be proud of myself
Thank you for listening to me, one day i will create a movement and make a change.
Miss Lawless xx